It's That Time of Year

With the turkey scraps barely cleaned from the plates, the Christmas music is already chiming in. As an adult sharing the joys of these tunes with my children, I'm listening to them with a bit more scrutiny and realizing just how bazaar some of these songs are.

In the midst of old and new holiday songs on the radio yesterday, along came "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa" performed by Andy Williams. What a ridiculous song! The song is told from the perspective of a child who stumbles upon his mommy kissing Santa. And at the sight of this, he finds pleasure and amusement. He even muses at the notion of "what a hoot it would have been, if Daddy had only seen." What? I don't know what kind of liberal family this is, but "hoot" is hardly the term that comes to mind when think of my father walking in on mom and another man smooching. I'm pretty sure that "hoot" is not the word that would be used in the police report either.

And then there is "The 12 days of Christmas." The last time I heard there was only one day of Christmas. And this true love person has a twisted sense of what would be an appropriate gift.

12 drummers drumming? OK.
11 pipers piping? OK.
10 lords a leaping? WTF?
9 ladies dancing? I like where this is going.
8 maids a milking? Woah, woah woah. What kind of kinky freak are we dealing with?
7 swans a swimming? Aren't swans extremely aggressive?
6 geese a laying? Um, eggs are good I guess and I like birds.
5 golden rings? 5? 5 rings? Who did you rob?
4 calling birds? More birds?
3 french hens? I know that I said I like birds once, but isn't this a little overboard?
2 turtle doves? Enough with the birds!
1 partridge in a pear tree? At least it's a place to put all the birds. That's a whole lot of poop to clean off those pears, though.